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In honor of labor day now being the united states most recent addition to the list of ironic holidays we celebrate considering the unemployment rate is at its highest since 1983 i’m here to remind you that you fuckin patsys still have good reason to guiltlessly and repetedly mash g-ma’s potato salad into all of your face holes in a celebratory frenzy. The economic rebound may be well on the rise thanks to the jobs that are always hiring and never firing! such as:

Whiskey Ambassador- Hone your whiskey drinking skills and get paid while doing so. and who the hell would be stupid enough to pass up that kind of bad ass title. whiskey ambassador? talk about street cred.

Chicken Sexer- basically just find the chicks with dicks and put them in the left crate. (has anybody actually ever seen a penis on a chicken? or a rooster rather. even so. can i get a raise of hands?)

Tampon Tester- Absorbency and cord strength testing for any women shameless enough to insert dry cotton into their vags all day.

Flatulence smell reduction underwear maker- you make underwear that keep peoples farts inside the fabricso they get rashes and eventually their butts fall off.

Further fear no more- also adding more stress on the economic struggle is the difficulty for people to dole out their hard earned cash on just anything- but with much research i’ve also found the most economical and sensible purchase. and thanks to me i’ve found your best deal after comparing a few quotes. you’re welcome. Any questions ask the supervisor shown below.

kolbe is either going to kill me or love me for this post.

~ by karmareacharound on September 5, 2009.